By Matthew David Savinar, Cancer: Call Me Mama

So you’ve decided to date a Cancer and you want to know if there’s any truth to what the astrology textbooks say about this sign’s tendency to hoard? The reality is it’s rare you’ll find a Cancer who doesn’t hoard something although exactly what they hoard and how they hoard can vary tremendously. Here’s a guide to your crab’s hoarding ways based on their Moon sign, the symbol of one’s emotional needs.

Cancer Sun, Aries Moon aka “The Crab of War”: Aries is the Hard Charging Heroic Spirit of the Zodiac so this is the crab most likely to hoard workout equipment, boxing gloves, weapons, adventure gear, running shoes, protein powders, and energy drinks. There’s a good chance they’ll either have a home gym and/or coach children’s sports. This is the only crab who might have a F-16 fighter jet parked in their garage. Stunt pilot Melisa Pemberton, recently featured alongside her husband in an Outside Magazine article entitled “As Long as They Both Shall Live”, is a representative Cancer Sun, Aries Moon. (Chart)

Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon aka “The Courvoisier Crab”: Taurus is the Sensualist of the Zodiac so this is the crab most likely to hoard rich food, fine wine, expensive clothing, and the most luxurious of creature comforts. There’s also good chance they’ll hoard high end hedonistic experiences as Taurus is the lunar placement most attuned to both bodily pleasures and the accumulation of dolla’ dolla’ bills. Expect this crab to have a Bentley parked in their garage, a chenille leather coach in their living room, and a wet-bar installed in their basement. Cancers are known to love dairy but with this crab you’re more likely to find them with a hoard of Cristal and Courvoisier than Dreyers or Lucerne. Actress Lindsay Lohan is a representative Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon:

Cancer Sun, Gemini Moon aka “The Village Gossip Crab” aka “The Advice Column Crab”: Gemini is the Communicator of the Zodiac so this is the crab most likely to hoard books, cell phones, records, and demo tapes. Cancerians are notoriously shy outside of their family but that’s not so much the case with this highly communicative crab. At the very least they’ll know the business of everybody in the neighborhood. There’s a good chance they’ll be involved in the communicative industries and/or have a music studio or writer’s loft in their home. This is a very street smart pairing, one that will have the dirt on who is doing what with who, when and where. Rapper Fifty Cent is a representative Cancer Sun, Gemini Moon:

Cancer Sun, Cancer Moon aka “The Cash Money Crab”: There’s an interesting phenomenon that often occurs when a person’s Sun and Moon are in the same sign. They’ll often express as the opposite sign. (It’s some type of psychological reaction to an overflow of a single sign’s energy, the excess jumps to the opposite sign.) In the case of double Cancers they will often express as very ambitious Capricorns. This is the crab most likely to have a bank vault installed in their garage where they can count their hoard of money, a proxy for the emotional security double Cancers so desperately seek. Billionaires Steve Forbes, Ross Perot, and Arianna Huffington are all double Cancers.

Cancer Sun, Leo Moon aka “The Famous Crab”: Leo is the Entertainer of the Zodiac so this is the crab most likely to hoard opportunities to draw attention to themselves or to perform for a crowd. Very conscious of how they appear to their fans, they’ll likely hoard hair care products. This is the crab most likely to convert their garage into a movie studio for their Youtube channel. They don’t necessarily need a car as they have staff members to chauffeur them around. Tom Cruise, P.T. Barnum, Ringo Star, and Tom Hanks are all representative Cancer Sun, Leo Moons. So too is Australian track star turned YouTube dance routine super sensation Michelle Jenneke, whose instincts for theatrics have turned her into a viral video mega-celebrity:

Cancer Sun, Virgo Moon aka “The Fit as a Fiddle Crab”: Virgo is the Health Fanatic of the Zodiac so this is the crab most likely to hoard nutritional supplements and health care gadgetry. The most tidy of crabs, they will likely hoard cleaning products in a perfectly organized cupboard and have bottles of Omega-3 rich fish oil precisely lined up in their fridge. Don’t be surprised if you see a highly efficient electric bicycle (“gets 201.5 mpg”) parked in their garage next to a colon cleansing machine and an array of blood purifying devices. And a lifetime supply of hand sanitizer. Fitness guru Tim Ferris is a representative Cancer Sun, Virgo Moons. (Chart)

Cancer Sun, Libra Moon aka “The Stylish Crab”: Libra is the Super Smooth, Super Suave Debonair Playboy of the Zodiac. This is the crab most likely to keep their thread count high, their drama quotient low, and their walk in closet ready for a Vanity Fair photo shoot. They’ll likely have a ridiculously high number of nicely tailored suits and an equally large number of exes just as beautiful as themselves, all of whom they are still on very good terms with. Their garage will double as a Pilates studio as the Lexus RX will be parked out front for the neighbors to see. New York Yankees superstar shortstop is a representative Cancer Sun, Libra Moon:

Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon aka “The Cobra Crab”: In the animal kingdom Scorpio has three symbols: the scorpion, the snake, and the eagle. In the human world, Scorpio’s three symbols are the Spy, the Shaman, and the Sex Addict. This is the crab most likely to hoard – and hide – secrets and sexual liaisons. You can guess what (or who) they have locked up in the garage. Wikileaks mastermind Julian Assange, currently battling legal charges related to a pair of sexual liaisons in Sweden, is a Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon. (Chart) Using its establishment date as its date of birth, the United States Secret Service is also a Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon. (Chart) If you haven’t been keeping up with the lurid details of the recent Secret Service sex scandals this informative report about agents assigned to Bill Clinton’s detail visiting a Moscow nightclub known for mass strip teases involving up to 900 women at once will bring you up to speed:

Cancer Sun, Sagittarius Moon aka “The High Adventure Crab”: Sagittarius is symbolized by the Centaur-Archer so this is the crab most likely to hoard either actual racehorses or stand-ins for racehorses such as fast cars and motorcycles. Cancerians are notorious for being homebodies but that’s not so much the case with this crab. If anything they’ll likely to live out of their van or truck as they crisscross the country. “Why would a seashore dwelling crab be crisscrossing the country?” you ask. Because this is the crab most likely to have warrants out for their arrest across state (and national) lines. Actor Vin Diesel, best known for playing renegade race car driver Dominic Toretto in The Fast and Furious franchise of films is a representative Cancer Sun, Sagittarius Moon. (Chart)

Cancer Sun, Capricorn Moon aka “The Business Crab”: Capricorn is the Workaholic of the Zodiac so this is the crab most likely to hoard business suits. It’s rare that this crab has a car parked in their garage because they usually have it parked at work, their favorite place. Rebecca Black, best known for the “It’s Friday, Friday” video, is a Cancer Sun, Capricorn Moon. (Chart) Her classmates can laugh all they want, “It’s Friday, Friday” is “Rebecca Black’s payday, payday.” According to Forbes she’s got a cool million in the bank as a result of that song and is already working on her next viral video hit. (Source) When the haters are in their 20s and selling their blood to pay off their student loan debts maybe she’ll hire a few of them to shine her gold plated rolodex or iron some of those business suits.

Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon aka “The Eccentric Crab” aka “The Crazy Uncle Crab”: Aquarius is the Mad Scientist of the zodiac so this is the crab most likely to hoard crystal attunment technologies, new age gear, and ufo contact manuals. Cancers are famous for living in the past but this is the only crab who might actually have a time machine parked in the garage. Using its premiere date as its date of birth, the film Back to the Future is a Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon. (Chart)

Cancer Sun, Pisces Moon aka “The Psychic Crab”: Pisces is the Psychic of the zodiac so this is the crab most likely to hoard impressions from other realms. Symbolized as two fishes, Pisces is associated with both the ocean itself and oceanic levels of compassion. This is the crab most likely to convert their garage to a photography or painting studio where they can give life to impressions they get from the psychic world. Using its launch date as its date of birth, NASA’s experimental “psychic” space satellite SeaSat One (short for “SeaFaring Space Satellite”) is a representative Cancer Sun, Pisces Moon. (Chart)

SeaSat spacecraft artist rendering with callouts. Requested by: Pedigo 11/01/1977
SeaSat spacecraft artist rendering with callouts.
Requested by: Pedigo

Like its Cancer/Pisces astro-twin Hellen Keller, SeaSat was technically blind. It did not have an on board optical camera nor did it rely on the availability of light to capture images. Instead, it remotely detected what was going on deep beneath the surface of the ocean by using the echoes of radar waves to “sense” through the water. A 1996 NY Times article described the craft as being akin more to a space-age psychic antenna than simply an old fashioned camera lofted to high-altitude. (Source) As a result of the radically advanced imaging technologies demonstrated by SeaSat, NASA now has a literal “hoard” of images about the health of the oceans.

About the Author: Matt Savinar is a California licensed attorney (State Bar #228957), voluntarily inactive as of June 2013. He can be reached for questions, comments, or consults at his contact page.